we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
