dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
