he told me I talked like a deaf person
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
