Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
