While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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