U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
