Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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