I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
