today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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