Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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