like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
