I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
