How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Randomize
