Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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