He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
