just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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