If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
