Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
