I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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