There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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