Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
