Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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