My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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