you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
