No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
