Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
