new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
