You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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