I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
