The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
