If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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