piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
