Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
