someone threw a dead crab at me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
