pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
