Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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