we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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