i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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