so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
