Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
