my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
