I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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