I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
