and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
