So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
