Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize