my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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