So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
