so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
