Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
