You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
