Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
