No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
