I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just found puke in my bra..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
