you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
