I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
