She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
