if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
