if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
