Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize