I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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