Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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