well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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