She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize