Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
