This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
