let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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