if i can run in heels then i can drive
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
