That's when you crack a 10am beer
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
