Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
