i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
