just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
