I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
