We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
And the cops told us we were all naked.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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