There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
