half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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