I hope mine doesn't look like that
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
