Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
