There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
