i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
