Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
