The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
