Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize