32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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