Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
