i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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