my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
