So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the condom got lost in my hair
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
