I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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