eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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