this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
