Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
