I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
