I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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