as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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