he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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