She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
