saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
