I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
