Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
