just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize