a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
