I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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