When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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