My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
