My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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