It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
