WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
