Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
