so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
