I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
