did you get engaged???
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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