It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is Oprah even human
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
