I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize