i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
