At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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