he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Houston, we have a squirter
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize