You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
