i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
