you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
