he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I need mimosas to revive my soul
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
