Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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