Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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