Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
