What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
