um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
